lady in a cellI take going to the jail very seriously and am grateful for every opportunity the door opens for me to share the good news of Jesus Christ with others. You can just imagine what happens to my heart when I see the enemy with his plots and deceptions to distract during such a time. Let me explain what I mean. On Thursday, as I was listening to the worship and singing of the Crabb Family on DVD, Miss Zander noticed a young lady in the back row tearing up so she handed her a tissue. The girl sitting two down from her shot her an ugly look as if to say, “What are you crying about?” The young lady blew her nose in the tissue and hid the tissue away. My heart just broke right then and there. I witnessed the enemy stealing a moment as Christ touched her. Later after telling this to a former inmate, she explained how this happens more times than I will ever know. She went on to tell me this is how the inmates get control when they have so little of it for themselves. She continued by encouraging me not to give up on this so called bully because she remembers when she was like that and look how God changed her life by something that was said in jail. I must say, that did encourage me.

The message I brought to the jail tonight was one found in John 11:1-4 about Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. The part I love about this story is when Jesus said “This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God that the Son of God might be glorified” Jesus could have come right away to heal Lazarus, but he waited for him to die. But I know it was for the glory of God to be displayed in him. It will break your heart at first, but hang on because the glory is coming. I saw it in this story, I saw it in a church member’s life this week when his wife left him and took the children. I saw it in the same week when another church member’s house caught fire. My heart just hurts for these dear people, but I know through this light affliction, there is an eternal weight of glory.

God does the impossible for us in our life. When there is no other way, when you have tried all you can try and done all that you can do, this is when Jesus steps in to do what you could never do but didn’t know it. If there was never a trial, a pain, a struggle, a temptation, or heartache, we would never depend on Jesus. If we could fix it ourselves, we would never need Jesus nor would He have to have died on the cross in our place. In our flesh, we are deceived into thinking we are independent from God and the flesh acts like a two year old. Throwing fits and tempter tantrums, we want our way, and we don’t want anyone to help us because we are going to do it on our own… Who can tame the two year old? It’s the discipline from the hand of our Father who loves us. He knows our hearts, but He wants us to know our heart. He loves us so much; He will not let us stay where we are in our childishness. He literally pries our fingers off the thing that is hurting us and believe me; this breaks the heart of our Father.

God is growing us up into mature Sons. One day He is handing over the family business to us and wants to know we have the Father’s passion and heart for the business. Do we love others when they don’t love us back? Have we forgiven others as we have been forgiven? Do we go out of our way or stop on our way to pay attention to others around us? It’s not about going to a building or how much money you give out of your pay check. He wants sons who are produced from Himself, little mini me’s for the Kingdom. God is always about the other person, always. But it takes a lot of heartache and pain to get to the place God will change you into that person. First it’s God’s heart breaking that He sees you when you were lost and being used by the enemy. Then your heart breaks when you see the enemy using others in that same way. The good news is He uses that hurt to grow us and them. I love to share the good news every chance I get, no matter how bad it aches.



4 thoughts on “MY HEART IS BREAKING

  1. Yes I know how you feel..that is the beauty of ministering in a jail ministry…the people on the other side can’t pretend any more..their life is a mess and they can’t hide it.

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