When Tracey and I were remarried one of the things she wanted from me was communication. I guess I was a husband like many others and didn’t want, or know how, to talk to my wife. Of course I had been a full blown addict which didn’t help either. Tracey attempted to talk to me and draw me out of my shell but I simply wouldn’t go for it. Then she yelled, cried and even tried to just leave me alone but nothing ever worked. I thought I had to fix whatever needed fixed in my life and didn’t see how talking to her would solve anything. Of course this is just the classic, women want to talk things over, and men want to silently figure them out by themselves stuff. I’m sure no one understands what I’m talking about here, right?
Once I became sober I started learning how to talk to Tracey. After getting brutally honest with myself I was able to be honest with her. After I was born again and started to deal with the raw edges of my own life I began to be able to deal with ours as a couple. I remember saying to her “Do you really want me to be honest with you?” I told her you better think about this first. She looked at me, sort of hesitantly, and said, “I am.” Since then we have been pretty bold and sometimes raw with each other about the truth.
Coming to the conclusion that the Bible really is the word of God is the first step. Once you are convinced of that you will start to look to it for the answers to the struggles of life. For instance, Tracey might come home from work and tell me about some conflict she had with a co-worker. I learned to go to the Word for the answer. I would listen for a few minutes and she would say something that would remind me of a verse or passage of scripture so I would look it up. After reading it to her we would discuss how it fit in with the situation at hand. Sometimes it would seem to vindicate her and appear she wasn’t the one at fault. Other times it revealed maybe she is the one to blame and she needed to own up to her part. The really great thing about doing it this way is now it isn’t my fault because it’s the Word of God so she has to take it up with him if she’s got a problem with it.
Obviously she isn’t the only one that has conflict or troubles; I do too. Learning to be honest with yourself and others is sometimes scary business. All I know is since Tracey and I remarried we chose to let Christ be the head of the house and so far we have always looked to him to settle our disputes and difficulties. When both of us keep our eyes on him things seem to go much smoother.
Written by Louie