Louie and Tracey’s 1st go at marriage

I’ve been thinking about love and respect lately. It has been brought to my attention that a man’s primary need is respect and a woman’s is love. Have you ever thought about how the Bible commands the husband to love his wife but it doesn’t command the wife to love her husband?

The wife is told to respect her husband. Apparently the husband has more of a need for respect than a feeling of being loved and the wife is the opposite. Obviously both the husband and wife need love and respect but not in equal proportions to one another.

If you were to ask a group of men the question “would you rather feel unloved and alone or disrespected what do you think the answer would be?” Overwhelmingly most men would choose to feel alone rather than disrespected and the women, you guessed it, are the exact opposite needing a sense of love more so than respect.

Respect for a man is something built into his very nature. A wife will be hard pressed to get him to respond if he is feeling disrespected. Of course she thinks as long as she behaves lovingly towards him he will love her in return but that is not how this works. The secret is respect. If she shows him respect he will respond toward her lovingly. This all works in the reverse for the husband. When he treats his wife lovingly she will reciprocate with respect. Fascinating how God made us to operate isn’t it?

I heard a man on the radio describe respect as being like a man’s native tongue. He said he was in Mongolia for a while and didn’t understand the language at all. One day he overheard someone say, in perfect English, “the Red Sox won the World Series.” Of course his ears perked up and he was drawn toward that voice because it was something he understood. In the same way when a wife respects her husband he will be drawn to her and she will have his full attention. I’m sure you have caught on by now and you realize that this works the same way with the wife but her native tongue is love.

As I soaked in all of this understanding about love and respect a thought occurred to me. All of the sudden some things made sense to me about men and women and their behavior in prison for instance. When you hear things about men in prison respect is a huge part of how they get along. When one man does something and the other feels disrespected it can cause quite violent repercussions. With women, and their need for love, they seem to have more same sex relationships while serving in prison. It all became crystal clear to me today as to why this is. Simply put it is because this is how we are made to function as the two different sexes. A man’s overwhelming need is to be respected and a woman’s is to be loved.

To sum this up for now let me just say this to the women. If you are not feeling loved by your husband my one piece of advice to you is start showing him respect and see what happens. I know you may say, “He doesn’t deserve my respect.” The truth is it doesn’t matter if you think he deserves it or not you are commanded to do it. The men are the same way they may think “I’m not loving her she doesn’t deserve it.” He too has been commanded to love his wife and that has absolutely no bearing on whether he thinks she deserves it or not.


“And whatsoever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; knowing that of the Lord you shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for you serve the Lord Christ.” (Colossians 3:23-24)

 Written by Louie



  1. Louie,
    This is very strange that you write about this, because just a few months ago I wrote about the same thing on Brian’s blog. If I remember right I didn’t get any comments or I had one, anyway I wondered if I was believing right. Well once again God used you to validate what He had already shown me. We not only need those things we crave them. isn’t that strange?

    1. Thanks Don,
      This is one of those topics “Love and Respect” that is something it seems you know, but then there are times when it is much clearer than ever before. It seems we never stop discovering things God has already told us long ago. When will we finally just do things the way he says to? The thing that is really amazing to me is the depth of deception we are in when thinking anything will work properly when not done his way.
      Thanks again Don for the input,

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