Our cat Mister pretending to be hurt
Photo by Tracey Lewis

When you hurt someone in your life and there is no going back to make it right what can one do about it? What if someone in your life hurts you? I have asked this person to forgive me, and she said she is trying to forgive me. I think it bothers her when I come around her. She is nice to me, but deep down inside it still bothers her. There is nothing I can do to take it back. It bothers me probably more than it does her because I am the one who caused the pain. It’s like moving the finish line away every time I get close. Is there anyway to know when you’ve paid enough to be forgiven? One plan of attack could be to remind her of all the times she has hurt me and somehow that would make it even; but does it? It takes too much energy to keep up with all that stuff, so I don’t. I can’t imagine trying to hurt someone with more hurt just because I hurt them. It doesn’t make any sense; so my solution is to let it go. How? I pray and tell God that I am giving the hurt to Him, and He takes it away. I don’t know how that works, but He does and I trust Him.

I have come to the conclusion that hurting people, hurt people. This doesn’t mean that they set out to hurt others they simply behave in a hurtful manner because they are hurting. While there are some people who may enjoy hurting others I don’t believe this is the case in this instance.

Another thing I have learned through dealing with hurt feelings is to try to find out where the hurt is coming from. Could be that person is crying out for attention, some people mutilate themselves in order to feel anything at all even if it is pain. Some may get relief from lashing out at others and never taking the blame. It is always someone else’s fault. They did this to me, they deserved it or they owe me.

I think this is where forgiveness is misunderstood. I have heard folks say, “If I forgive them; it means, what they did is okay.” Let me remind you, that is not what you are saying when you forgive others. It is releasing you from the pain. Not forgiving others can turn into bitterness and could also cause physical distress in your body. I have heard people say it’s like drinking poison hoping the other person dies; but really it’s killing you.

Forgiving others is not easy…..at first. What I do is turn it around and ask myself how it felt when Christ forgave me. Then I realize it’s not my forgiveness to keep, but to give it away. We are instructed to “forgive others AS you have been forgiven.” I want the people around me to be able to take the fruit in my life and live on it through Jesus Christ who lives in me. In order to do that, I let God be who He is in me and that is love and love gives not takes.

In conclusion, if she is reading this right now, I hope she sees it in her heart to forgive me because I am not leaving her alone. I will always be in her life because she is apart of my life. We never know when our last day on earth will be, and I don’t want to waste another minute without her because of Unforgiveness. I love the differences about us because what she is good at, I am not and she is not good at what I am good at, so we work very well together.

Written by Tracey

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